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Oct. 16th, 2013 09:42 pm[Filter: Private]
I can't --
I can't.
I should. Should try and put all of this together, figure out what I think, what I feel, I should try and make this all make sense in a way that I can -- make sense of. Hah. Fucking circle-talking, Leigh would --
But Leigh is gone, and that's what -- that's the fucking kicker, isn't it? Leigh is -- gone. Gone, gone, and gone, and I don't know what happened, I can't know what happened, it doesn't make any sense, fuck, who was there? Who could have been there. Elyiethe and all her cast were here. If not for that -- but it's true, and --
Leigh.
Dammit, Leigh. Fuck -- fuck you, you couldn't have just ... asked, just asked for help, just told me where you were going, it would have taken two fucking seconds to write down some damn words but you didn't, you couldn't be bothered, you had to do everything by yourself, and why?
Catch --
Catch myself thinking.
Thinking --
Is this what you wanted, Leigh?
You said we'd talk. Would we have? Or would you have run away again. Or could you have run away again. Did I change everything too much for that. Is that selfish to wonder. Could you have just faded back into your -- could you have? Or was this the only way out. But no, you were a survivor, you were
I need to know, I need to -- make this --
Leigh.
I'd -- I'd be ... without you, I would be dead. My father would be dead. Kelita would be Queen, but she'd be Erana's puppet, and I'd never ... I'd have died that shitty spoiled little boy who thought he should be able to just do whatever was fun because it was, who didn't understand anything about anything, and you changed all of that. You changed me. Or where you took me, what you did was -- but that doesn't matter the specifics it doesn't matter because you were the only one who was there. As far as anyone else knows I went into that forest a short little kid and came out strong and tall and a man and you were the link between it all, and now you're gone.
And what am I?
Who am I ...
I can't
I can't just let this go.
You'd -- want me too, I know you would. Who cares about what fucking rangy old hunter, right? Doesn't matter, focus on the living. Keep making life better for the people who don't waste their own breath. Don't destroy other people for revenge.
But I can't not, Leigh.
Fuck
How can I not.
[there is a pause]
[Filter: Autumn]
... Autumn.
Autumn, please. I know -- I know you're in a state, I can't even imagine, I can't begin to understand what you went through and what you had to see, but I need to talk to you. This is so important, Autumn.
Please, will you just talk to me? You're the only one who knows what happened there. The only one.
... come on. Please.
I can't --
I can't.
I should. Should try and put all of this together, figure out what I think, what I feel, I should try and make this all make sense in a way that I can -- make sense of. Hah. Fucking circle-talking, Leigh would --
But Leigh is gone, and that's what -- that's the fucking kicker, isn't it? Leigh is -- gone. Gone, gone, and gone, and I don't know what happened, I can't know what happened, it doesn't make any sense, fuck, who was there? Who could have been there. Elyiethe and all her cast were here. If not for that -- but it's true, and --
Leigh.
Dammit, Leigh. Fuck -- fuck you, you couldn't have just ... asked, just asked for help, just told me where you were going, it would have taken two fucking seconds to write down some damn words but you didn't, you couldn't be bothered, you had to do everything by yourself, and why?
Catch --
Catch myself thinking.
Thinking --
Is this what you wanted, Leigh?
You said we'd talk. Would we have? Or would you have run away again. Or could you have run away again. Did I change everything too much for that. Is that selfish to wonder. Could you have just faded back into your -- could you have? Or was this the only way out. But no, you were a survivor, you were
I need to know, I need to -- make this --
Leigh.
I'd -- I'd be ... without you, I would be dead. My father would be dead. Kelita would be Queen, but she'd be Erana's puppet, and I'd never ... I'd have died that shitty spoiled little boy who thought he should be able to just do whatever was fun because it was, who didn't understand anything about anything, and you changed all of that. You changed me. Or where you took me, what you did was -- but that doesn't matter the specifics it doesn't matter because you were the only one who was there. As far as anyone else knows I went into that forest a short little kid and came out strong and tall and a man and you were the link between it all, and now you're gone.
And what am I?
Who am I ...
I can't
I can't just let this go.
You'd -- want me too, I know you would. Who cares about what fucking rangy old hunter, right? Doesn't matter, focus on the living. Keep making life better for the people who don't waste their own breath. Don't destroy other people for revenge.
But I can't not, Leigh.
Fuck
How can I not.
[there is a pause]
[Filter: Autumn]
... Autumn.
Autumn, please. I know -- I know you're in a state, I can't even imagine, I can't begin to understand what you went through and what you had to see, but I need to talk to you. This is so important, Autumn.
Please, will you just talk to me? You're the only one who knows what happened there. The only one.
... come on. Please.
